Talking To Teenagers About Food
Teenagers deal with a conflicting and confusing relationship with food, bodies and exercise.
Teenage bodies demand a dramatic increase in energy and nutritional needs. Their bodies need to significantly grow in order to develop into an adult body. This growth can be interpreted as unhelpful weight gain, when in fact, without it, growth - in all senses of the word – can be compromised. When we see a teenage body looking soft and round, we need to be pleased that healthy growing-up is happening.
At the same time, teenagers are plagued with a plethora of mis-information on bodies, food and exercise. A frightening proportion of these messages are about manging, sculpting and manipulating the body.
These messages encourage:
Food, weight and exercise comparisons to others
The idea that bodies need to be controlled by external activities – “If I don’t exercise, I will gain weight”
The idea that parents need to manage weight gain by promoting “healthy eating” – how often do we hear parents say “have fruit instead of biscuits” without even asking the child what he/she/they physically feel they need to eat.
All of the above promotes disconnection from one’s individual needs, which opens a door to more body manipulation.
So how can we have a healthful dialogue & helpful behaviour around food and eating with our teenage children?
Separate any connotation between food and weight. A certain food is not healthy because it is less likely to lead to bodily changes. A certain food is not unhealthy because it might. Nutrition and bodies are more complex that that!
Avoid all comments about food and bodies, no matter who they are directed at. Enjoy less shameful and maybe more compassionate, fun and intellectual conversations.
Allow teenagers to eat A LOT, if that is what their body is telling them, without commenting. Adults can often forget how much they needed to eat when they were teenagers. Adults should not compare their needs to that of a teenager. Remember that teen development is not always a linear line- it will happen in spits and spurts. Some of these spurts will need a lot of high nutrient foods.
Allow teenagers to “play” and experiment with food without commenting. It is normal and appropriate for teenagers to sometimes eat in a more chaotic or “big” way, especially when socializing. This is an important part of them learning how to honour their bodies.
Understand that genetics play a significant role in how the body develops and making certain food rules will not prevent how the body is designed to grow in order to grow up.
Always talk about food in a positive or neutral light - even when talking about your relationship with food. Demonizing food – even tiny thrown away comments – can weigh heavy on teenagers’ minds
Don’t associate food with exercise beyond normalizing that exercise can make one more hungry and this needs to be honoured.
Eating for sporty teenage bodies isn’t just about being successful on the hockey pitch this term – it is about ensuring long-term mental and physical health.
How to have a healthful dialogue about food and eating with our teenage children if we are concerned that the eating or exercise or other behaviours maybe dysfunctional?
Food issues are rarely about the food. Instead of mentioning anything about the food, always talk about the feelings: “I have been noticing that you are more sad, worried lately”.
Give them space to bring up the food issues themselves.
If you are worried about the physical wellbeing of the child or particularly worrisome behaviours, you can be direct but compassionate about it - giving them space to interpret what may be going on themselves.
Never play the blame game – sometimes we all get poorly or have tricky times.
Don’t play the role of therapist or nurse. Be the loving and accepting and compassionate parent.
Our final piece of advice is to get support as early as possible. It is never too early to see the GP and get some baseline tests done. Ignoring any issues (even if you think it can’t be that bad) can have significant mental and physical consequences.